I need to talk about Married at First Sight : Chicago
I have many thoughts about this show but the only other person who watches it with me is my mother and she can only stand to listen to me for so long...
I must confess: I am amongst the population of sick people on this earth who thoroughly enjoy reality tv. I don’t discriminate, I will watch reality shows about dating, survival challenges, day in the life; you name it. So, naturally, you would think that I’m already MAFS (Married at First Sight) Hive but this is my first ever season tuning in aaaaaand I, of course, have things to say.
To begin, I only started the show this season because it’s set in Chicago and #Chi-CityIsMyCity, for better or for worse1. Also my mother, who is my designated partner in reality tv show watching crime, is the one who convinced me to start it and I will always trust my mom’s opinion when it comes to most things but especially when it comes to tv show mess. Now, I’ve never had anything against the show per se, I just find when it comes to dating shows that end in marriage, I have to choose wisely. This is because when the stakes are as high as marriage…I find I be gettin more mad than is necessary because…why the hell are you playin around when legal documents is involved? Like the (fuck ass) government is now in the room with us and you still wanna act like this isn’t real life…right. Love is Blind was my main “reality dating show that ends in marriage” entertainment and while I will still probably tune in for future seasons2, the past couple have been a doozy and I just needed a change of pace…
Enter MAFS: Chicago
I want to go couple by couple and discuss them individually and then how they are together. We’re gonna start with the couple I have the least strong opinions about:
Camille & Thomas
Alright so these two have been consistently the least problematic of all the cast members, in my opinion. Camille’s biggest issue is she too hooked on HND (Hood Nigga Dick) to be attracted to Thomas who, in her defense, is a square DOWN like this man is nerdy as hell. But my thing is why tell the matchmakers/experts that you want to deviate from your usual type when you know you’re not ready to make that leap? If I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt, I can buy that she may not have realized how intense her attraction to her usual type is until now but…this is where we need to be true to who we are and not lie to ourselves. Or she at least coulda dated more Bill Nye types before requesting a nerd ass husband so that way it wouldn’t feel like such a slog to try and be attracted to this man. What I will say is this couple is the only one out of the group that I can see actually trying to make this marriage work. I mean, they already hunchin’! And when you compare that to the rest of the couples who HAVEN’T EVEN KISSED YET then I’d say they’re doing a pretty decent job at seeing this little experiment through.
Karla & Juan
We can start off with Karla: she’s…interesting and I say this as a ~Love and Light~ girly myself. I just think there’s a certain sector of spirituality that teeters into delusion that I can’t quite grasp. For example, I can agree that our energy and attitude can greatly impact the end result of a situation however, I have to get off the train when “money is energy” is being brought into the equation because…money is money, hoe. And as a Capricorn Sun, I am very much about the tangible dollars so I can’t get into the blind faith when it comes to money like either I got it or I don’t and if I don’t, I gotta make something shake QUICK FAST in order to obtain some. Buuut , if I were forced to resonate with either person in the relationship, it would be Karla because Juan is giving money motivated but in a “I wanna be a billionaire founder” way while I’m money motivated in a “I would like to be able to take care of and feed myself on a regular basis without worrying about it” way. In addition, I actually have a personal issue with Juan3 and that’s the fact that I think Juan too Snow Bunny Pilled™ to find Karla attractive. Okaaaay now hold on…that may seem a little problematic or like I’m reaching but stay with me here.
Exhibit A: I want to say Karla and Juan both admitted they mostly dated white people in the past. (Feel free to fact check me if I’m remembering wrong)
Exhibit B: Both Juan and Karla are conventionally attractive people and while Karla genuinely seems open to exploring attraction with Juan, Juan not even trying to act like he attracted to Karla and that’s why I suspect he too Snow Bunny Pilled™ to see that she is a beautiful woman.
Now, I can also get on board with the notion that because Karla doesn’t seem *as* motivated or structured as Juan, he may be turned off by that but…let’s be real for a sec, men will dislike4 a woman and still be intimate with her if he finds her physically attractive enough so…I don’t know. I’m kinda not fully buying that he don’t wanna be affectionate or touch her or kiss her because she don’t got a quality business acumen like…the true tea is he too busy fantasizing about Becky’s and Polly’s…allegedly.
Emem & Ikechi
Okay so…this one is gonna be a doozy, bitch. I need to off rip say that I called Ikechi being a nasty, gutterbutt man from the first few episodes like…I knew who that man was immediately. And if you’re an artsy/love and light bitch then you shoulda been able to spot his kind from a mile away because the signs were all there: his wardrobe, the way he be speakin in poems and riddles, him doing some sort of musical/spoken word performance at the wedding like…this man has been a villain from the start. My mother was amongst the people that were hustled, scammed, bamboozled, hoodwinked and led astray by this man at first. She, like many others, saw the veil lift in real time and I’m sure that was a jarring experience. Now, if you told ME that this idiot would end up having a gross attitude, be intimated and feel “emasculated” by a successful Black woman and needed his ego stroked every 2 seconds, I would be like…”well duh, look at him!”. And I know that some of my sisters are more optimistic when it comes to the menfolk so I won’t fault them (too much) but hopefully this is a learning lesson and cautionary tale for all my overly trusting girly q’s out there. Anywho, I don’t wanna see this man on my screen anymore, dammit! Like Emem has clearly checked out. That was clear when she was on her high rise apartment/condo balcony whilst on the phone with Dr. Pia’s bird brain ass (I got a couple of words for her later) and Dr. Pia was like “You don’t feel the urge to reach out to him?” in response to Emem telling Dr. Bird Brain this man abandoned her to go to his college homecoming in Houston and Emem was like “No, I actually don’t, Dr. Pia”. I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT, GIRL. Like did she come on a little strong with all the “my man, my man, my husband, my husband” talk? Sure, but this man who signed up for this show TWO TIIIIIMES is over here acting like he never heard of the premise of this show. Acting as if he ain’t know he was going to be LEGALLY MARRIED to a gotdamn STRANGER like don’t play dumb now just because you didn’t get the “submissive, easily manipulated girly who has less accolades than you” that you were hoping for. DON’T piss me OFF.
Madison & Allen
Where do we begin? I mean, on the surface, these two seem unsuspecting and like they don’t really got too much going on but oh, bitch…there’s drama afoot. Before we get to the salacious (allegedly adulterous) details, let’s just discuss their dynamic. …Madison don’t like that man, chile. And I don’t think that’s breaking news like she’s basically said as much but she keeps pretending that if he just does “this” or “that” then she’ll magically be into him. Once again, I need to girls to be honest with themselves. And while Allen seems like Mr. Nice Guy, there’s a misogynist bubbling under the surface that seems to have come to light this past episode. He basically told Madison “Yeah, at first I thought you were an unserious WHORE but I was wrong and you’ve changed my mind”…okay??? Like what the hell I’m supposed to do with that information?? However, I do think Madison took his judgey, sexist ass comment and RAN with it because…well, like I said, she don’t like that man. Now, I believe that she was upset by the comment but she was acting like this ONE thing is what was standing in the way of her liking him and it’s like girl…even if he was a perfect angel, you still wouldn’t wanna be with him. Because it’s obvious that she wants a conventionally attractive gym bro who she can post fitness content on Instagram with and Allen does not fit that bill at all….but you know who does?
Michelle & David
Now we about to get MESSY, BITCH! I called that Madison and David were having an affair like 3-4 episodes ago; whenever they showed that preview for the rest of the seasons episodes. And when you look back on it, it makes perfect sense and is actually fairly predictable. Michelle been doggin’ David’s ass out since day ONE. She basically been sayin’ he a nasty, poor bitch who will never amount to anything and will never be as successful as she is and…is she even really that successful? Like let’s be real; she living a normal, middle class life in the city. You’re not living in the lap of luxury, babes like calm down. Anyway, Michelle has shown zero interest in David from the start and while David has plenty of things wrong with him, I will say he was a trooper when it came to dealing with Michelle’s elitist ass attitude. But but buuut, I’ve been lookin’ at both of them funny since the beginning because he’s over here requesting a blonde white woman and she requested a lightskinned black man and it’s like…yall didn’t think this is what you’d be getting? She acting like a classic uppity white girl and he acting like a classic mixxie fuckboy, I mean…ain’t this what yall wanted? All that being said, while David was willing to try and make the marriage work with Michelle, she was paying him dust this entire time so when #SextGate happened, where it’s revealed that David sent a raunchy text talkin bout “I wanna eat you up”, I had no doubt in my mind that was meant for a woman he was sexually pursing + coupled with those previews…it was likely Madison who was supposed to be the recipient. Now, did I expect his excuse for who the text was for and what the context of the text was? The excuse that he was talking to his cOUSIN WHO HAD CHINESE FOOD AND HE WAS TALKING ABOUT THE FOOD??? Absolutely the hell not. And did I also think this man would quadruple down on this heinously crafted fib, even in front of Pastor Cal? Surely not. So I cannot do anything for David like maybe if he wasn’t a dumb ass hoe and was honest and forthright about fulala-ing with somebody else then I could try and have a little sympathy but…I can’t get on board with stupid, sorry.
I just think it's completely hilarious that the only way Michelle can get anyone to pay any attention to her is to cry "oh no he's been cheating on me!!" She's going to solve the stupid who was David texting case...and what??? You didn't EVEN LIKE HIM??!!! She's been dogging this guy since day one and now he's her ticket to a small bit of attention. Take a look....the smug look on her face when she is revealing everything is so disgusting.